I have noticed that whenever such disasters happen, I tend to run away from the entire thing. Normally I am an avid newspaper reader, but during such times, I avoid reading news, I avoid watching news, I avoid everything that is to do with anything related to the disaster. I know it is sheer escapism, sheer cowardice on my part, but well, that's the fact. I find it very tough to come to terms with the depressing facts, pictures and accounts that surround me. I remember very vividly that when the Gujarat riots happened, I somehow stopped watching enws, even if I would come across a news item, I would change channels. Ultimately it so happened that I was to a large extent ignorant about the riots. I noticed that I couldn't participate in any debates-discussions cocnerning the riots because I didn't know the facts. In a weird manner, I liked it that way, it was a perfect adjustment for me. It is only months later, I started to read upon some old news items, surf archives etc.
This time though when the tsunami happened, my house was flooded with relatives. This time around also it was the same, I avoided watching TV news, avoided reading anything related to it. Earlier, I acknowledged the problem months after the disaster happened. I mean, i wasn't aware that I was running away especially during the event of the disaster. However this time, I know it is a problem. It is funny noticing yourself like a third party would, in an objective manner.
I don't know why I do it. Maybe I am running away as i know it is tough for me to deal with it. The pain, human loss, suffering etc. I am a coward, a chicken. But I am trying hard, I want a solution to this problem, to my escapism. I want to do something and running away like this won't help. I am gonna deal with this, no more running away for me for sure! Enough of it!
P.S. This year has started on a bad and a sombre note. Anyways, wishing all you guys a very happy and a prosperous 2005!